Sean Morgan

Six-sburgh ain't Shit-sburgh

2009-02-18T14:36:00.000-08:00

It's been a while... I took a little breaky break but post-Superbowl monkey business has driven me from my cave and I must jibba-jabba about something...

The Stealers are not the best franchise in pro sports...

Shut the hell up Chris Berman and company, stop over-hyping the Steal Curtain with the already hype happy hype-o-rama that is ESPN.

Ok, so they have won 6 Superbowls... I'm not saying that isn't impressive. But let's take a step back from all the hoopla and take a look at the facts...

Six Superbowls

One more than the Dallas Cowboys and the San Francisco 49ers, who both have won five.

Not exactly all that dominant.

Six Superbowls

Same amount of Word Championships as the Chicago Bulls. The Bulls also had the greatest player in NBA history, Michael Jordan. They also have the greatest single season record (72-10) which, one could argue, would make the 95-96 Bulls the greatest NBA team of all time.

You then have the 14-time World Champion Los Angeles Lakers. Now, if you are like me, you don't really count championships won before the NBA-ABA merger, but that still leaves the Lakers with eight legit-Championships. This post merger way of thinking leaves the 17 time champs the Boston Celtics with seven legit-titles. Either way you look at it, post or pre-merger, all three franchises, the Celtics, the Lakers, and the Bulls, are superior to the Stealers.

Six Superbowls

Since the Stanley Cup became the de jure championship trophey in 1947, the Edmonton Oilers have won five, The Toronto Maple Leafs have won eight, the Detroit Red Wings have won nine, and the Montreal Canadiens have won 17. Again, Edmonton is only one shy and the rest are without a doubt more accomplished franchises than the Stealers.

Six Superbowls

Compared to Baseball that isn't all that impressive. The San Francisco Giants, the Pittsburgh Pirates, and the Cincinnati Reds each have five World Series titles. The Los Angeles Dodgers have six. The Boston Red Sox have seven. The Oakland Athletics have nine. The St. Louis Cardinals have 10.

And then there is the Yankees. The Evil Empire has 26 World Series titles. 26. And I'm supposed to be impressed by the Stealers bringing in 6. That would make them tied for fifth in the MLB.

How any human being capable of breathing and walking at the same time can honestly say the Stealers, with their six World Championships, are some how better than the Yankees and their 26, is unforgivable. I mean come on, the Yankees have 20 more World titles than the Terrible Towel posse.

I know I'm picking on a man who's favourite way to describe things that make him feel funny are "WHOOOOOP" but even for him this is cave man business. Question though, what sounds do you think Berman makes when he's freaking the sheets?

"WHOOOOP"

"BACK BACK BACK BACK"

"I COULD BE... I MIGHT BE... I AM!!!!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP"

"Wow......well... Back to you Steve..."

Sick... His wife Kathy must be a freak.

A Punch Is A Punch

2008-12-16T05:58:00.000-08:00

What am I missing?

Everyone loves a good hockey fight. It doesn't matter if your a hockey aficionado or a puck and stick virgin, when people start beating on each other, America stops and watches. MMA fights, middle school recess scuffles, Jerry Springer love triangles, you name it, if it's got faces gets kicked in we eat it up dig it and we dig it hard.

I mean say what you want about hockey, this is just fun to watch.

Announcers love it, fans love it, toothless Canadian players love it.

And who doesn't love a good baseball beat down? Hard slide, hit by a pitch, boredom, baseball fights have a lot of causes and go a long way to spicing up rivalry games and a brutally long season.

ESPN even celebrates them

Yes, fights are seemingly all good in sports. That is, unless it's the NBA.

Remeber the Nuggets-Knicks fight? Suspensions for everyone and condemnation by all.

And it wasn't even a fight so much as it was a slap and tickle

The announcers didn't seem to dig it very much.

Then there was the WNBA brawl from last season.

Now, maybe the NBA is trying to keep a clean image after the Artest situation

You never want your players fighting your fans. Any league would suspend their players until the cows come home right? No league would let player-fan fights slide...

Oh wait...

Do any of you even remeber this happening? I sure don't. Tie Domi wasn't publicly crucified that's for sure. Why is that?

Here's another fun one

Fan abuse is, I guess, cool in the almost all white NHL, but demonized in the primarily black NBA.

What I'm driving at is brawling is celebrated in most baseball and especially hockey. Prolific fighters are given names like "enforcer". In the NBA, if one punch is thrown, the player becomes a "thug" in the eyes of the sporting world. Carmelo? A thug? Did you see the fight? Go with your guy instinct on this next question. Do you think Artest is a thug? If so, why? Because he punched a fan who dumped beer on him? Wouldn't you do the same if someone did that to you?

Sports brawls are fun, but they stop being fun when you demonize players because of their race. The NBA wouldn't suspend players like 'Melo for 15 games (the sixth longest in NBA history) over a slap if they didn't think they had to for PR reasons. Why would the NBA have a bad image that needed protecting? Could it be that it's considered a league full of gang bangers by the weak minded and dim witted that make up a scarily heavy portion of the American population?

Maybe it's just me, but the double standard in public perception of sports brawls reaks of racism.

Discuss.

Cities That Make Me Feel Good About My Many Failures

2008-12-08T20:37:00.000-08:00

The Worst Sports Cities Of The Moment

As of Monday, December 8th, 2008, the saddest sports cities, in my opinion...

Bad: Kansas City

Two teams, two worthless masses of wasted athlete. The Chiefs were once good, believe it or not. Now they exist only to make Tony Gonzalez cry into his pillow at night as he feverishly texts his agent to try and find a way out of Arrowhead for good.

And the Royals? God they're almost adorable. They try so hard and yet accomplish so very little. But hey, they just signed Coco Crisp so maybe they will see a spike in jersey sales. Maybe then they will have some extra dough to spend on someone who will actually make a difference.

Ugly Bad: The Entire Bay Area

I'm going to combine San Francisco and Oakland here because they are so close and suck so very, very much. The City by the Bay boasts the Giants and the 49ers. The Giants have one good player, Aaron Rowand, who likes to take himself out every other season by ramming his skull through the outfield wall. The 49ers have gone from a sexy sleeper pick a few years ago to a team that struggles to grab victory in the pathetic NFC West. As a side note, what were the football Gods thinking when they blessed the people of San Francisco with all those Superbowl victories? Those are the fans that get the hardware? Wouldn't those titles be better appreciated in a more blue collar city like Cleveland or Detroit or, I don't know, CHICAGO!

Then there is Oakland. Not only would I not want to live there, but I wouldn't want to attend any games. The A's aren't terrible, but they like to annoy they're fans by growing players and then selling them off at a rate only matched by the Minnesota Twins. And of course they're are the Raiders. Al Davis is Hell bent on killing the Raiders before nature kills him. Opposing teams are more scared of Oakland fans then they are of Oakland players.

I also have to include the team that represents both cities, the Golden State Warriors. They are pretty good but they just lost they're best player to a division rival now that Baron Davis is a Los Angeles Clipper.

Nickelback Bad: Detroit

I don't know what is being evacuated at a faster clip, Detroit's sports stadiums or the city itself. I know, the Pistons are almost always contenders but they are below .500 since trading Finals MVP Chauncey Billups to the Nuggets for Allen "We talkin' bout practice!" Iverson. The Red Wings really keep Detroit from being higher, or should I say lower, on the list. Any good the Pistons and the Red Wings have done has been off set by two of the most garbage feeding teams in their respective sports. I'm of course talking about the Tigers of the MLB and the Lions of the NFL.

The Tigers blew Yankee money on Dontrelle Willis and Miguel Cabrera from the Marlins, mix them with guys like Justin Verlander, Magglio Ordonez, and Curtis Granderson, and have them coached by Sam Elliot twin Jim Leyland, and what to they get? 74-88, 14.5 games out of first place. They actually finished behind the Royals!

But compare them to the Lions and they seem like the Durham Bulls after Tim Robbins started banging Susan Sarandon. I mean they are seriously going to go 0-16! How is this even possible? The 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers went 0-13, and alums of that ill-fated squad have to be psyched. For so long they have been the worst team in NFL history, but I really think that's going to change. No one remembers the second crappiest team ever. What's odd to me is how possibly the worst team in NFL history may have the best reciever in the league in Calvin Johnson. But they are truly that bad. Want to hear a funny joke?

The Detroit Lions.

That's the punchline.

Jonas Brothers mixed with Nikelback bad: Lincolshire, specifically Stevenson High School.

Yeah David Jaffe, I said it. Stevenson sucks the hard one. Why? Here are a couple reasons.

1) Whenever we played them in football, we had to play on Thursday nights because Stevenson wouldn't play on Rosh Hashanah or Boxing Day or whatever. They got the Friday off, we didn't. You have no idea how bad that Friday sucked.

2) Their entire offensive line had such brutal acne that I almost vomited into my mouth guard every time they tried to double team me.

3) Stevenson head ball coach Bill Mitz was so sick of getting curb stomped by Libertyville in football that he joined his sons high schools coaching staff in a cute attempt to beat us. He failed though, and I ruined his day double style when I sprained his son's knee with a TOTAL cheap shot after he kicked a punt. My coaches were happy and my parents were ashamed.

AND...

Truly THE WORST SPORTS CITY IN AMERICA...

Seattle

The Mariners are a terrible collection of weakness. They need to ship out Ichiro and rebuild for the 2019 season.

The Seahawks are turning in one of their worst seasons in recent memory, in coach Mike Holmgren's final season. Once again, if you struggle to compete in the NFC West, I think you should be suspended, as a team, for a full year.

The worst thing though, is the brutal injustice that is the Oklahoma City Thunder.

Is there a more soul crushing turn of events for a fan then to have your team taken from you and repackaged into another team all together? As a Bulls fan, I remember the Bulls fighting tooth and nail against a Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp led Supersonics.

It's just sad, I don't even want to be a smart ass about it. I couldn't imagine what I would be feeling right now if one of my teams moved to Tulsa or something like that.

Look at the Thunder. Their name sounds like an AFL team and their uniforms scream NBA Europe.

Sonics fans were seriously sports raped.

My heart goes out to Seattle fans. You truly live in the worst sports town in America.

You Don't Mess With Jack Bauer's Daughter

2008-12-03T14:07:00.001-08:00

Things in sports that have pissed me off as of late...

1. Weis, Charlie. WHY? He basically has the same record as Ty Willingham, who they drop kicked out of South Bend. He gets these amazing recruiting classes each year (correct me if I'm wrong but this past one was 8th overall?). He tells people that Notre Dame has a "strategic advantage" over every team in the country because of his big bad Patriots brain.

Remember when you hated Notre Dame because they were arrogant and GOOD?

It's not even fun to watch them fail anymore, because that's all they seem to do. He only won when he had Quinn and the rest of Ty Willingham's last recruiting class. He hasn't recruited winners and he hasn't coached with any sort of sucess. He got a 10 year extension because he almost beat USC.

As a proud member of the Irish American persuasion, I'm insulted that a team named after my people has turned into such a joke. Irish people stab you with a broken pool cue, they don't get slapped by Syracuse. Period. Fire his ass or change your name to the Fighting Welsh.

2. Sean Avery isn't allowed to speak. If you don't watch the NHL, allow me to bring you up to speed. The NHL's Dennis Rodman Sean Avery was suspended by the league for naughty things he said about his ex-girlfriend indefinitely.

What did he say about Elisha Cuthbert of 24 that got him benched with no end in site?

He said that Dion Phaneuf of Calgary was getting his "sloppy seconds" and that it was becoming a common thing for guys in the league to fall in love with his "sloppy seconds".

Oh Lord everyone grab your bibles and start saying the "Our Father" backwards.

Was it that bad? The Dallas Stars didn't suspend him, the frickin' league did. Hockey, where you can kick the crap out of eachother and get two minutes on the bench is telling a guy to stay home because he wasn't nice to his ex?

Why does everyone have to be Captain America these days? Whats wrong with having some bad guys floating around in our sports leagues? So an adult said somethig bad about another adult, who cares. And don't give me that crap about being a bad role model. You let your 7 year old watch hockey for christ sake. What is the NHL saying? Fighting? Good. Not being a gentleman? SUSPENSION!!!

Sean Avery isn't even that scary. The dude is an intern for Vogue Magazine in the off season. You want to suspend him over a comment he made? Suspend him for this one...

"You do suits and pants and that's about that. Women's clothes tell a story. That's what's interesting to me."

And on Elisha Cuthbert, to quote Tony Kornheiser of PTI and Mondy Night Football.

On Elisha Cuthbert...

"Everyone who was watching season one of 24 was rooting for the mountain lion to eat her."

3. Plaxi.....never mind I won't even touch that...

New 3. I can't stand Lebron James for a number of reasons. I think he's overrated, I think he's soft, and he's so full of himself that he actually thinks he's the second coming of Michael Jordan, something the someone as hated as Kobe Bryant won't even do.

But this New York crap is getting out of hand even for him. He told New York fans to wait because in two years it's "Gonna be a big day". What the Hell? Your on the Cavs you jackass! Your winning! Who cares where you play the goal should be winning a championship. You know, that big trophy thing they hand out at the end of the year for the best team in the NBA? You know, the thing Jordan held up 6 times.

The man, the round-mound-of-rebound himself Sir Charles Barkley said it best when Dan Patrick asked him about the New York-Lebron James relationship...

""If I was LeBron James, I would shut the hell up (...) I'm getting so annoyed he's talking about what he's going to do in two years. I think it's disrespectful to the game. I think it's disrespectful to the Cavaliers."

Amen brother.

Lebron then had the balls to call the Hall of Famer "stupid".

And in the words of Sir Charles, that's just "trrrrrrrrrrble"

Lovable? Maybe. Losers? Oh Yes.

2008-11-16T19:35:00.000-08:00

Hey Chicago Whaddya Say, The Cubs Are Gonna W...Yeah, Doubt It.

The Cubs suck. Period. Here are a few reasons why...

1) They haven't won a World Series in a century. Wrap your dome around that. Not in a 100 years. How is that even possible? I mean how any team's fans can actually argue that their team is one of the great baseball franchises when their team hasn't won in 100 years just blows my mind. In 10 years the Tampa Rays got closer to winning the big one then the Cubs have post WWII. I should be able to end the blog right here and still have proven my point, but I won't.

2) No one is afraid of a baby bear. It's a freakin' infant animal. When confronted in the wilderness, it would roll over on it's back and look cute. Why would you pick an animal that needs protection from it's mother to survive?

That's not to say that all mascots must be a scary animal, but they should at the very least be cool. I'm a White Sox fan, and yeah, no one is afraid of a sock either. But we haven't been the White Stockings in a long, long time. What is a "Sox"? Nothing really. It represents their old uniforms from back in the day, so it means something to the franchise. a cub? I mean for a team that old, they pretty much had an open field to choose from. They could have been anything. Yet, they chose a cub to represent the spirit of their organization, which apparently is laying on your back and crying when confronted by danger, which now that I think of it, actually makes sense.

3) Wrigley Field is an overrated toilet. You heard me, Wrigley sucks. Everyone in sports is always waxing poetic about the place, and I just don't see it. The place is falling apart, literally. They need nets to protect fans from falling debris.

Not to mention, you have to piss in a trough. If I wanted to piss in a trough, I would drive ten minutes north, sneak onto a farmers property, and let one go in the trough where he feeds his pigs. I know Soldier Field used to have a trough, but they upgraded, you know, to human bathrooms. You know what sounds fun to me? standing sandwiched between to strangers, hips touching, and whipping my wang out. I have a little rule of thumb; I don't touch my penis when other men are touching me. Call me old fashioned, but it's just a little something I live by.

"But Sean, what about the Ivy?" What about it? Weeds. Cool. My neighbor has ivy on their house. Maybe I should save a ton of money next time a friend wants to go to a Cubs game by just getting hammered drunk and standing on my neighbor's lawn and scream half retarded nonsense at his ivy covered siding.

What about the history? What history? See point 1).

Heres a thought...Take all that mad money that the Cubs organization has, and instead of throwing it at an overrated player from Japan, invest in some better facilities, you know, before the place gets condemed.

And enough about the purity of Wrigley field. As far as i'm concerned, the Cubs where the first team to ever sell out to a corporation. Wrigley is named for Wrigly gum people.

Ozzie is right. Wrigley blows.

4) They think they are cursed. Nope. No curse. Your team just chokes on it every chance they get. http://uisjmcmorgan.blogspot.com/2008/10/theres-no-cursing-in-baseball.html

5) They blame a playoff melt-down on a fan. Steve Bartman didn't do anything wrong. He did exactly what every other fan in the world would have done. If a ball is flying towards you, your going to grab it. Don't lie. We all would have done the same thing. Moises Alou recently admited that he wouldn't have caught the ball anyway.

The Cubs went on to get beat down in that game. And the next game? Same result. The Cubs lost to the Marlins, Bartman didn't beat anyone. Typical Cubs though, there always has to be some cute excuse for everything, something you can market. So they blow up the Bartman ball and yada yada yada. Grow up people.

Same garbage with the whole "Lovable Loser" crap. There is nothing lovable about sucking. And lets be honest, the Cubs aren't some sort of sweet underdog. They have tons of money that they have no problem throwing around Yankee/Red Sox style. They have a lot and do very little with it. For crying out loud they have a newspaper (Chicago Tribune) that owns them and is more bias in support of their Cubbies than FOX news is for Republicans.

6) Please stop showing Jim Belushi all the time. He sucks at everything. His brother John is funnier, and he's dead.

While your at it, stop showing old people and children crying whenever the Cubs blow it in the playoffs. It's getting real old. We get it. People are going to die without ever seeing the Cubbies win. Guess what, that's happened to many fans of many teams. Get over it.

7) The uniforms are way too girly for their own good. Really? Red, white, and blue? God that's corny.

8) Lou Piniella needs to be put down like his name is Old Yeller. He goes into post game interviews not knowing how his team won or lost the game. Is he taking a nappy nap in the dugout? And then you have his adorable freak outs. They are a lot less scary/angry and a lot more cute/sad.

For real, if I have to watch him trot around in his tight uniform, gut hanging past his junk, I'm going to seriously consider getting my retinas removed.

9) That song makes angels rape themselves. "Go Cubs Go" is the least catchy song that has ever been written. If it had been written during WWII, I have no doubt Hitler would have used it against the Polish.

10) Revisionist History. Cubs fans rag on Sosa and act like they didn't worship him a couple of years ago. I built and drove the Sammy Sosa Hate Wagon. It pisses me off that there are now so many people in the back seat.

And don't even get me started on Michael Barrett. Yeah he sucks and needed to go and tried to fight Zambrano and all that good stuff, but I remember a time when Cubs fans used to worship him like some sort of Rocky/Bruce Lee/Jack Bauer Jesus child all because he got sad that A.J. Pierzynski ran him over and he got cranky and limp wrist slapped him. Not to mention, he then got himself tackled and choked out by tiny Scott Podsednik. Now that I think about it, the Cubs in general are pretty weak at throwing down. Did anyone see when Derrek Lee tried to throw down last season? He wiffed on every punch, and it was against a scrawny pitcher. Soft.

I could go on all night, but I've got a feeling that most of the class is offended enough with 10 reasons.

Maybe Next Year? I wouldn't hold my breath.

Discuss.

Oh Sweet Youth...

2008-11-13T14:12:00.000-08:00

Coach J Laying Down the Law

My senior year in football was very memorable for me for a number of reasons. I was a defensive captain, we won state (after losing in double overtime in the state game the previous year), we were the last team to play on the old field, and other on the surface reasons. I don't want to talk about winning games though or getting tackles, because really, no one cares. So instead, I talked to one of my best friends and a former teamate, Nick Krietman. We basically broke down some of funnier moments that happened off the field (or at least off the game field), and that are kosher enough to print in a school ran blog.

So in no particular order...

It was about half way through the season. We were doing the standard kick off-kick return run through that I'm sure every team in the country drones through without giving anything much thought. Towards the end, our head coach, Randy Kuceyeski, freaked out. He threw his clip board, tossed his hat off, and charged onto the field, getting in the face of our starting middle linebacker Matt Norcia. They were forehead to forehead. "You want to keep up that bullshit effort? Keep it up then you shit" or something to that extent. Norcia wasn't having it. He threw off his helmet and basically told the coaching staff to f**k off and that he quit. Everyone let out a collective "oh shit" as he marched off the field towards the lockerrooms. Who was going to play middle? I sure as hell didn't want to move from defensive tackle to linebacker, I didn't know the playbook well enough to call audibles. No one really did. The back ups were no good, and you can't have an underclassmen trying to run a very complicated defense. All anyone could talk about for the rest of practice was how screwed we were. A little while later, Norcia came running back on the field with a retarded grin on his face. Kuceyeski was laughing his ass off as well. They had planned the whole thing. Why? I don't know. They rehearsed the whole thing before practice. Funny, but not cool at all.
My buddy Nick was not your typical offensive guard. He was a vegan, which means he not only doesn't eat meat, but any product that comes from animals, like milk or cheese. Also, he is an anarchist. So yeah, not exactly Rudy. The head offensive line coach and offensive coordinator, Karl Jenrich, was about as "movie" style coach as you could hope for. Crew Cut? Check. Mid-shin socks? Check. Hardass? Check. Thinking Nick is possibly retarded? Double Check. Coach J, as we called him, was a fan of telling players in his dog house that he was going to go "get a stick" and then beat them with it. He never actually did this, until he met Nick. Neither one of us remember what caused it all, maybe he forgot the snap count one to many times or maybe Nick just wouldn't shut up, who knows, probrably both. Long story short, Coach J stomped off to a little patch of forest on the edge of our practice field, and moments later, game back with a solid looking stick. It was more of a baby log really. Nick just sort of looked at him and laughed like it was, I don't know, a joke. It wasn't. Lucky for Nick, he was wearing a helmet, as Coach J proceeded to crack him upside the head three, maybe four times, with an actual freakin' stick. The one and only time, to our knowledge, that Coach J actually followed through with the stick threat.
Our QB Brett Lancaster had a thing for running around naked in the locker room. Now I realise that the locker room was created for that very purpose. It wasn't, however, made for dancing around by people's lockers and doing puppetry of the penis. On game days, we would go straight to the lockerroom after class and put on some workout clothes so we could warm up, go to meetings, get taped up, etc. Well, young Brett felt that this would be a wonderful time to try out a new, and very uncomfortable looking trick without his clothes on. Our nose guard, Greg Larsen, finally lost it. He grabbed Brett around the neck, dragged him a couple feet, and threw him out the locker room front door. Now keep in mind, our football locker room is right off the field. So it's outside. And class had just ended, so people were walking through the parking lot to get to their cars. Yeah, have a nice mental picture? Brett had to hide, naked, behind a bush outside the locker room doors for ten minutes as people passed by unaware of the naked gentleman in their midst because Greg had locked the door after he forced Brett out. Finally, a coach came by and let him in.
When our season ended, we were undefeated and state champs, so technically, we were the greatest team in school history. Naturally, we all felt like we deserved a little somethin' somethin'. Yet, the school AD didn't have any magical number retirement ceremony planned for us. We had to take matters into our own hands. So we did, through either purchases, gifts, or theft, every number of every starter was basically retired by force, as the jerseys were no longer in possession of the school. We pretty much just jacked our jerseys into forced retirement. So, for the following years, the team had to make due. You can now see running backs with the number 76 (like the dude in the picture) or a lineman with the number 34. It's like 1920's football style. Sadly, this past season, they ordered all new jerseys. Those sons of bitches.

And finally, a little something extra. This didn't happen when me or Nick played for Libertyville. In fact, we were both around 11 or 12 when it happened. The old head coach, Coach Christensen, found himself down by a few touchdowns at half time in during the second round of the playoffs. In order to inspire his teamates, he took out a very real looking starter pistol and shot it in the locker room. Now here's the fun part. He had this idea already worked out with his starting quarterback before hand, so when he fired it, it was aimed at the QB. The quarterback fell down and didn't move, pretending he was dead. The Coach Christensen yelled something to the extent of "This is what happens when you don't play Wildcat football." Inspired? No. Instead, a couple players and coaches slammed him into the locker and took the gun from his hands. The QB got up and the whole thing was explained. The Cats then proceeded to get crushed in the second half and Coach Christensen was fired immediatly.

Monday Night No Pants Dance

2008-11-10T16:21:00.000-08:00

Monday Night Football Game Blog

San Francisco 49ers v. Arizona Cardinals

aka

Will Kurt Warner Make Mike Singletary Get Naked?

Random Countdown notes: Ditka looks lost. Boomer asked the table what the Eagles did wrong in their loss to the Giants on Sunday. Everyone gives their thoughts, then it comes to Ditka. He freaks out because no one mentioned what the Giants did. Keyshawn fails to make Mike understand that they were talking about the Eagles team problems...

Silence ensues.

Later, Keyshawn mumbles something about Ditka not understanding a players perspective, seemingly unaware that Ditka is a Hall of Fame tight end. Ditka and Keyshawn seem to be trying to out dumb each other. I giggle.

ESPN shows the result of the last MNF game in Arizona, the Bears insane comeback capped off by a Devin Hester punt return. No points where scored by the Bears offense in the comeback. The best part? well...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDAq5tyfk9E

Some one needs to put an end to that stupid little segment they do now where they do a quizz between a players wife and one of their teamates over who knows them better. You know the player is just going to give his wife all the answers beforehand so she doesn't look retarded on TV.

Commerical Alert---

A commerical for the Country Music Awards was aired, and the voice over claimed that the CMA Awards was "the one event that brings the whole country together". What the hell? Are you kidding me? half the country hates country music. I'm sure not going to watch it. No one would claim the Source Awards bring the entire country to their feet. I'm pretty sure that the people over 50 demographic will be doing something else. Same goes for the CMA Awards, only in this case, the much sought after "People with teeth" demographic will probably not be tuning in.

Anyone else creeped out by the MNF Countdown entrance video? You know, the one where the Countdown crew is walking all slow-badass like through a burning factory? Oooh, scary, A bunch of chubby old guys in ties trotting in a group like some geriatric Reservoir Dogs. It just looks sad.

Keyshawn Johnson compared Anquan Boldin to a young, well, him. I don't see it. I don't remember Keyshawn being that physical.

Every member of the Countdown squad picked the Cards, so basically none of them have any balls.

Hank Williams looks like someones drunk grandpa when he does/says "raise the roof" during the opening song. Also, I just can't look at him the same way after watching him campaign for Sarah Palin for the past few weeks. Ugh. See my comments on the CMA awards above.

And it begins...

Quarter 1

7:41- Allen Rossum just took back to opening kickoff for the 49ers. After all the crap being talked in the pregame about how amazing Arizona is, I kind of want to see them fall on their faces.

7:44- What ever happened to the sweet/retarded player led starter announcements? Now they just mumble them. Where is the MNF spice? They also stopped doing the celeb openings. Lame.

7:49- Rackers kicks one through and it's 7-3, and Sean is officially already bored.

7:56- Michael Robinson takes a snap out of the Wildcat Formation to get a 49ers first down. I love how everyone is now doing the Wildcat formation this season after the Dophins beat the Patriots using it. So much posing going on.

8:00-Commerical Alert---

I really don't get the new Bud Light commericals. The whole "there is a difference between us and other light beers" thing doesnt make sense to me. Who will just drink any beer? Doesn't everyone have a preference? Do you really need to spend money convincing people that Bud Light and Miller Light don't taste the same? Wouldn't it be money better spent to just come out and say "Miller Light taste like urine"?

8:02- The Cards just did their own Wildcat offense, a direct snap from Anquan Boldin. Speaking of Boldin, I was screwed by ESPN. Anquan Boldin was the best player on my fantasy team. When he got taken out against the Jets, everyone said his face was broken and he was done-zo. So I drop him, and suprise, he's back in pads a couple weeks later. What happened to the facial reconstruction surgery he was supposed to have? You can really bounce back that fast from a broken face? Jesus.

8:10-Challenge: Ruling on the field says Jason Hill's catch was incomplete as he landed out of bounds without possession. I think they're right but the 49ers, especially Mike Martz, don't. I also don't care. NFC West...End the madness.

8:12-Ruling on the field stands, so I'm right and, yet, I still don't care.

8:14- I'm owning in fantasy right now, and my opponent only has Edgerrin James left, who is playing second fiddle tonight to rookie Tim Hightower.

I'm above the law.

8:17- San Fran pulls off a reverse on the punt return and gets pretty solid yardage. As of right now, they are playing like they have nothing to lose, mostly because they don't.

End of Quarter note: Right now, Samurai Mike is showing Martz who wears the pants. They are running way more then passing.

Quarter 2

8:23-Josh Morgan pulls in a 30+ yard Shaun Hill pass and takes it in to put the 49ers up 14 to 3. I thought San Fran was supposed to crumble into a heap and piss themselves tonight? They must not have gotten the memo.

8:28- Michigan alum Steve Breaston caught a 44 yard pass from old man Warner, putting the Cards in the red zone.

8:29- Two plays after the Breaston bomb, Boldin snags a catch five yards or so out and runs it in to pull the cards within 4 (14-10).

8:34- Tony K just said he takes pain killers everyday and suddenly everything makes sense

8:36- The ad for the Thursday night Patriots-Jets game is really pissing me off. "Brett Favre has superpowers and is a hero and blah blah blah" give me a break. Can the nation please remove their collective lips from Brett Favre's Wranglers? Please? Also, can Tony K please stop giggling about Boldin's doctor vacationing in France. What is so funny? Again, the pain killer comment is making even more sense.

8:42 Commercial Alert---

Why does Gary Dolphin do commercials for IWireless? Everyone knows he can't use a computer.

8:44-Hightower "fumbles" but it looks like he was down. Arizona challenges...please make this quick. I'm going to channel flip aimlessly because I don't want to hear them ramble.

8:47-Challenge works and Arizona gets the ball back. I'm racked with joy.

8:48-Boldin just made a badass play. He made the catch, ran over the corner, cut, and ran another ten yards. Anquan Boldin and Hines Ward are the only two wide receivers that I would actually describe as mean.

8:50- Warner does NOT want to run. He had ten yards ahead of him and he instead chose to just hop around and throw it into the dirt as he was going down.

8:52- Rackers pops in a 30+ yarder and it's a 14-13 game.

8:55- Singletary said he wants the team to be a family. So...he takes his pants off in front of his family? Child Services, meet the Singletary kids.

8:57- Shaun Hill just ran for a first down, and it wasn't by sliding. He took on a Cardinal defender head on, lost his helmet a few yards shy of the first down marker, and kept running and then freaked out. Singletary just got a funny feeling in his pants. I instantly love Shaun Hill.

9:08- Vernon Davis made an awesome grab in the endzone, jumping over a good Adrian Wilson, for a 15 yard touchdown catch. He got out of Singletary's dog house for like 5 seconds, until Davis tossed off his helmet and got an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. Singletary gave him a hug though so I think it's all good. 21-13.

9:11-The Cards just screw up the kick off and get the ball on what looks like the 8 with 26 seconds left. They got in shotgun for some retarded reason. Nothing happens though and they get a boo train running to the endzone.

End of Half note: The Cards are getting out hustled, out worked, and basically punked out by an inferior team. Singletary's methods are looking pretty genius right now.

Quarter 3

9:30-I missed a little of the Cards drive because I was watching South Park. What are you going to do, it's the NFC West.

9:33- The Cards go for it on 4th down and Warner hits Fitzgerald on a quick slant for a touchdown and are trailing the 49ers by 1. I love the call. You have to go for it on 4th and 1 in the redzone when you trailing an upset minded team.

9:39-Martz just called a run play on 3rd and 4 and it worked. Could you imagine the Detroit Martz calling a run on 3rd and 4?

9:40- Vernon Davis totally could have dove for a touchdown catch but didn't because he's soft. Period.

9:43- Singeltary and Martz are now screaming at eachother over whether or not to kick a field goal or go for it. They kick it and it's good, making it 24-20. Not sure who wanted to do what.

9:46-Singletary and Martz are hugging it out. Boy am I relieved.

9:53- Jaws "I thought this was a contact sport" amen brother. Anquan Boldin brushed the corner on the arm as he was cutting and apparently that was offensive pass interference. Weak.

9:56- Tony K is making fun of Cards fans for booing because they haven't been good in a while. That makes sense.

9:59- Antrel Rolle just picked off a Hill pass and took it back for 6. He did a sweet back flip and everything but it didn't matter. Defensive offsides. That's just ugly.

10:00-No worries, the very next play Hill lost the ball when he crashed into an offensive lineman and the Cards fell on it. Arizona ball in the redzone.

end of quarter note-Tony K hasn't mentioned Brett Favre even once. Do I dare jinx it?

10:06-Daily Show update---

"Sarah Palin is so dumb she thinks Soy Milk is spanish for 'I am Milk'".

10:08-Kurt Warner pretty much just intentionally grounded the ball but managed to cry to the ref enough to make the ref very audibly say "Relax Kurt" and called off the penalty. Field goal, 23-24 San Fran.

10:22- Anquan Boldin gets more yards after the first hit then I think i've ever seen for a reciever. The dude is way too much man for the NFC West.

10:29- Once again, a Cardinals pick six gets taken back from someone jumping offsided. They just don't deserve to win this game.

10:32-Karlos Dansby just picked off Shaun Hill and took it down to what looks like the 6. They have played like garbage but it looks like in spite of themselves the Cards might pull this one out.

10:34-Quick pass to Boldin results in a touchdown, his 10th of the season. Now for the two-point...

10:37-False start...the Cards are killing themselves with penalties tonight. Second attempt at 2 points...

10:37-Mark Roman breaks up a pass intended for Larry Fitzgerald to keep the game at 24-29 in favor of Arizona.

10:41-A possible pass interference call gets erased because the ball was tipped at the line. I've never heard of that rule.

10:42- The 49ers are challenging the deflection.

10:43- Now they aren't I guess because the flag they threw for pass interference was an accident. Why must they torture me.

10:44- The 49ers drive continues with a stupid late hit by Dansby. Super blatant and is just one of many penalties that could cost the Cards the game.

10:45-The Cards just jumped offsided. If they win this game it will be because the football gods have intervened. The Cards are playing a very stupid game.

10:47- The ref got in the way of Frank Gore making a catch. How do these refs seem to always get in the way?

10:47- Jason Hill made a sick catch to keep the drive alive, diving out of bounds and dragging his feet.

10:48- San Fran just got a holding call and this is turning into a badly coached high school game with the 354369954876 penalty of the game between the two teams.

10:50- Another penalty. I don't know what it is. I don't care. I flipped the channel for a few so I wouldn't find out. Call it a protest flip.

10:50- Big pass to practice squad guy Zeigler.

10:51- Shaun Hill attempts a shuttle pass and it gets picked off by Adrian Wilson. That should be all she wrote. More importantly, Mike Tirico called the shuttle pass a "Brett Favre" shuttle pass. Why? Of course, Tony K jumps in and happily giggles "BRETT FAVRE PASS" and I reach for the revolver under my pillow.

10:55-Stuart Scott hyped up the post game that I'm without a doubt not going to watch.

10:56-I've been watching a game that I'm not interested in for hours now, knowing full well I have to write a paper still about the Mahdi Army in Iraq. I know nothing of these people.

10:59-Jason Hill grabs a 10 yard reception and the 49ers actually have a chance here. Problem is, Frank Gore is out with an injury.

11:00-Jason Hill grabs another one and now San Fran is on the 15.

11:01-Jason Hill makes the catch and jukes a defender, taking it down to what looks like the 1.

11:01- Timeout Arizona. Somewhere I can hear Dennis Green screaming "We let 'em off the HOOK!!!!"

11:03-Gore is back in teh game and runs wide, going down at the 1. Hill barely gets the offense lined up to spike the ball with 2 seconds left.

11:05- Spot is reset at the 2 with 4 seconds left. The 49ers sprint to get the play off, run up the middle and are stuffed. Damn. That's a kick to the step kids. For some reason they give the ball to Michael Robinson instead of Frank Gore and they pay for it. Big goal line stand.

End of the game note-The Cardinals didn't deserve to win this game. Yeah, Kurt played great, so did Boldin, but they made so many retarded mistakes that it was really pretty embarrassing. That, and Kurt Warner is one of those dudes that has to do a lot of Jesus name dropping in postgame interviews, and that just annoys the Hell out of me. In protest, I'm never going to watch another NFC West game again all season.

Rex Was A Test Tube Baby

2008-11-06T16:03:00.000-08:00

The Truth

ESPN guru John Clayton said today that Kyle Orton will most likely sit against the Titans this weekend, despite his claims that he's ready to go.

This means that the Mayor of Munchkin Land aka Rex Grossman will be taking the reigns again (Here he is trying to look like a badass. Adorable).

Why is Rex in the league? I've asked myself this painful question many times, and I think I may have figured out the answer...

Rex Grossman was a failed experiment. Some scientist in some lab miles and miles under a KFC, along with his hunchback/sexy assistant/sexy hunchback assistant, created Rex. What was their goal? To clone Brett Favre....

And they failed.

Keep in mind I hate Brett Favre more than Sarah Palin hated science class. But this is serious. Something sinister is going on here.

Think about it, they're about the same size, they both throw well on the run, they both belong to the "when in doubt, close eyes and throw far" school of quarterback play. Draft freaks even said he was "Favre Like" when he was drafted. But something went terribly, terribly wrong.

To put it in nerd speak, Brett Favre is Superman to Rex Grossman's Bizzaro Superman.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjgVilIKkqY

Bizzaro Superman had all the powers of Superman, he was just mentally retarded.

Like Rex.

The Chiefs May Suck But Rex Blows...

2008-11-03T20:46:00.000-08:00

Thigpen Doesn't Seem That Retarded...

I went to the Chiefs-Bucs game this past weekend. I'm a Bears fan, but my friend offered me a free ticket and I've never been to Arrow Head, which was pretty sweet.

First thing, uh the Chiefs are bad. I knew they sucked but they were the painful type of bad, the kind that looks like it's all going to work out and then pisses happiness away.

Be it the random fumbles after leg tackles, letting a kick get returned right before half, or having your back up running back go down with a bad injury after the league has decided to suspend your franchise running back, it really made me happy to not be a Chiefs fan.

That being said, I was shocked how well Tyler Thigpen looked. For a dude from Coastal Carolina he looked fairly impressive. For one thing, you can't teach that kind of athleticism...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcmgqK0Utkc

I was freaking out when that happened, and I don't even care about the Chiefs. Now, I had been drinking for the past six hours, but still, it was still pretty mind blowing.

While on the subject of quarterbacks...

Kyle Orton went down on Sunday with an ankle injury which puts the Bears offensive hopes and dreams in the hands of everyone's favorite smurf-esq Gator.

Good Lord he's back...

We just can't shake Rex can we?

I mean Jesus... Rex Grossman is like herpes, just when you think you're in the clear, boom, breakout.

Not that I know what it's like to have herpes or anything...

Cool Glasses Joe Maddon...

2008-10-31T11:50:00.000-07:00

Everyone seemed to cry for the Rays. I didn't.

Why I Love That The Phillies Stomped The Rays...

1) The Phillies fans have suffered more. I know right? How could I say that? Every commentator and his grandma have told me how much it sucks to be a Rays fan but here is the reality of it all...

They have only been around for a decade. The Rays organization started in 1998. So they haven't won a World Series in a whole decade. What a tragedy. The White Sox won in 2005, not having won the series since 1917.

The Phillies won it in 1980, so have waited 28 years to bring the trophy home. What I'm saying is, take some lumps as a franchise before you cry about not winning the series. Rays fans don't deserve it yet.

2) Charlie Manuel was born in 1944. He's an old mother.

The Phillies manager is also a huge badass. Manuel has survived a heart attack, quadruple bypass surgery, and cancer During his time with the Indians, he coached in the dugout with a colostomy bag beneath his jacket.

He can't be killed by conventional methods.

Joe Maddon is a dork. All that zen crap was cool when Phil Jackson started it with the Bulls back in the day. I like my coaches crazy and heart attack prone.

3) They actually changed their name from the Devil Rays to just the Rays. Are you kidding me? Has our society become so bible thumpy that teams are making their team names more God friendly? Who made this move? Sarah Palin?

4) Philidelphia is a way better sports city. Tampa fans watch "Murder She Wrote". Philly fans boo Santa. End of story.

5) CowBells

6) The Rays took out the White Sox...that troubles me.

7) The Phillies won me over when they played a song about fish made for toddlers when the Rays players were being introduced at Citizens Bank Park. Classic.

8) Uh...this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYBwzY-eEPI&feature=related

9) The RayHawk

10) Philidelphia gave us this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHIA1LGuMhQ&feature=related

When it comes down to it, I just hate cute media stories. As sick as it sounds, I was pretty happy when my Bears owned the Saints in the playoffs a couple years back, ending their feel good story about how by winning games, some how New Orleans was being saved.

Now that I think about it, I think there is something really wrong with my moral compass.

I'm going to the barber to get a RayHawk and make this right...

The Oz-Man's Greatest Hits

2008-10-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

Ozzie Guillen. You either love him or hate him. I love him. One, I'm a White Sox fan, one of about 15 i'm pretty sure. Secondly, say what you want about him, he isn't boring. So...

My Top Ten Favorite Ozzie Guillen Freakouts

1) Ozzie v. Mariotti- After call up pitcher Sean Tracey refused to plunk a batter in retaliation during a White Sox-Ranger game, Ozzie threw a tantrum, causing former Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti to call Ozzie childish. Ozzie's response was the most Ozzie-esq he has ever dealt out, and had without a doubt the craziest aftermath.

"What a peice of s**t he is a f**king f*g"

Ozzie later claimed he did not know the slur he threw out was a slur for a homosexual, that in his home country of Venezuela that the word means "dumb guy". He was fined and forced to attend "sensitivity training". The circus that followed was even greater then the quote, culminating in Ozzie Guillen's homosexual hair dresser defending him in the news.

2) Ozzie v. Magglio- Following former White Sox star Magglio Ordonez's departure for the Detroit Tigers, Ozzie was asked his opinion of his former outfielder. His response?

"He's a piece of s**t. He's another Venezuelan mother f**ker. F**k him. He thinks he's got an enemy? No, he's got a big one. He knows I can f**k him over in a lot of different ways. He better shut the f**k up and just play for the Detroit Tigers. Why do I have to go over and even apologize to him? Who the f**k is Magglio Ordonez? What did he ever do for me? He didn't do s**t for me."

Followed by...

He f**ked with the wrong guy, and he knows that, too. He knows for a fact that he f**ked with the wrong people."

A close second to the Mariotti blowup. A very close second.

3) Ozzie v. Rich Hill- After the infamous Barett-Pierzynski punch that led to a Cubs-Sox brawl, Cubs pitcher Rich Hill told the media that he thought Peirzynski's hard slide was "Gutless" and "Pathetic". Ozzie?

"Tell that Triple-A b**ch to shut the f**k up," Guillen said. "Tell him to start throwing some strikes or he's going to get Dusty (Baker) fired."

Funny considering how Baker's career turned out in Chicago.

4) Ozzie v. Showalter- A minor disagreement over a Ranger's reliever coaching first base leads to Ozzie ripping on Buck Showalter's playing career.

"He never even smelled a jock in the big leagues," Said Ozzie,"Mr. Baseball never even got a hit in Triple-A. I was a better player than him, I have more money than him and I'm better looking than him."

For me it's tough to top baseball managers arguing over who is hotter.

5) Ozzie v. Wendelstedt- Ozzie wasn't happy when Carlos Lee was called out on a stolen base. His opponent? Second generation MLB umpire Harry Wendelstedt. Ozzie allegedly spit tobacco juice on Wendelstedt's face and informed him that...

"You're not even a pimple on your daddy's ass."

Great because he seemingly spit tobacco juice, which I didn't know was still allowed in baseball dugouts, in an umps face. Also sweet because he threw out a cross-generational diss.

6) Ozzie v. North- After A.J. Pierzynski complained about not starting in place of backup Toby Hall on Mike North's radio show 670 The Score, Ozzie actually called into the show to, er, explain his position. What ensued was a soliloquy chalk full of fun words. The highlight for me was the opening remarks...

Mike North: "How you doing, Ozzie?"

Ozzie Guillen: "Oh, shut the f**k up!"

7) Ozzie v. Duncan- Dodgers third base coach Mariano Duncan called Ozzie an embarassment to Latinos in baseball. Ozzie disagreed a little...

"Mariano Duncan never will be a big league manager and not because I ruined it for him. If Mariano Duncan thinks being a manager is making out the lineup and changing pitchers, he is real wrong."

Ouch...

8) Ozzie v. McCarthy- Former White Sox pitcher Brandon McCarthy said he is more comfortable on the Rangers because he was the only single player in Chicago save for his friend, White Sox outfielder Brian Anderson. Ozzie started throwing blind haymakers...

"You played with us 162 games and all of a sudden you leave and say you don't have a friend in the clubhouse, only Brian Anderson?" Guillen said. "Well, he picked the wrong guy to be friends with."

Not only does he take a swing at McCarthy, but for whatever reason, he went after CURRENT White Sox outfielder Brian Anderson. Why? Only Oz knows.

9) Ozzie v. Van Slyke- Following a game where Ozzie freaked out at former White Sox pitcher Jon Garland for not throwing at Tiger's players, Detroit first base coach Andy Van Slyke said that Garland should had pucned Guillen in the face. Ozzie no-likey.

"That's why he's coaching first base and I'm managing in the big leagues," Guillen said. "I'm going to manage in the big leagues longer than he's going to coach first base."

Nothing like making fun of less important coaching positions. Wasn't Ozzie once a third base coach for the Marlins?

10) Ozzie v. Cuzzi- After a White Sox-Twins game where umpire Phil Cuzzi tossed Ozzie, Guillen opted to enlighten the fans about his relationship with Mr. Cuzzi.

"I just let him know I don't like him the first day I see him, and I think he feels the same way about me. And we have to move on."

No swears but still pretty funny mainly because he claims he hated Cuzzi the first moment he laid eyes on the him.

I can't wait until Ozzie starts his political career...I'd pay good money to watch an Ozzie v. Palin debate.
Actually, Guillen would probrably just hit on her.

Or perhaps just hit her.

Samurai In San Fran

2008-10-26T19:51:00.000-07:00

I Love The Samurai

Due to his inability to develop Alex Smith into a star quarterback, Mike Nolan has been ousted from San Francisco. In all honesty, I liked Nolan.

Mainly because he often rocked suits on the sideline instead of the usual team apparel. You have to respect the classy throwback to coaches of yesteryear.

That being said, I'm pretty pumped that I get to watch Mike Singletary patroll the sideline now as the 49ers interim, and hopefully permanent, head coach.

You want someone who can scare the talent back into players like Vernon Davis?

How's a 10 time pro bowl, 2 time defensive mvp, leader of the 85 Bears D, all around psycho former middle linebacker?

He's the guy that Brian Urlacher will always be compared to and likely never match.

He's the freakin' Samurai!!! Is there a better nickname ever in anything?

But in all honesty, the hands down number one reason why Mike will make an awesome head coach and will probrably lead the 49ers to 7 or 8 superbowl wins in a row...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJNC3dgreaU

He's number 50 in case you aren't familiar...and nobody messes in his neighborhood.

Staph Infection? I'm A F@#KING Soldier!!!

2008-10-23T15:57:00.000-07:00

Staph Infection Sidelines Winslow Again...For A Different Reason

Why I Hate Phil Savage

Clevelend Browns General Manager Phil Savage has suspended Kellen Winslow for comments he made regarding his recent staph infection and the teams handling of the situation.

Following Clevelands loss to the Redskins, Winslow told reporters that the "undisclosed" illness that sidelined him the previous week was staph infection, his second case since being drafted by the Browns five years ago. Winslow is the sixth Browns player to have a staph infection since 2005, well above the norm.

Winslow claims that the team claimed it was his choice to keep the illness secret when in reality it was the organizations choice.

Considering the Browns facilities seem to be a hot bed for staph infection, I'm inclined to agree with Winslow.

"Nobody knew that I had staph on the team because the Browns didn't want it to get out,'' Winslow said. "But it's my teammates' right to know what's going on at the facility to protect them. Their safety is at risk, too, and I didn't agree with the Cleveland Browns, because they are protecting the organization and not the players."

This insane verbal rampage was so destructive to the Browns organization that it apparently deserved a one game suspension without pay.

"The Browns are bigger than one person, bigger than [owner] Randy Lerner, bigger than [coach] Romeo Crennel, bigger than me and bigger than any player on this team," Savage said during his weekly appearance on WTAM radio. "We couldn't and won't allow one person to tear down the organization, so we had to do something."

I'm sorry. "Tear down the organization?" That sounds like the Sarah Palin school of thought that if you criticize anything America does you somehow are trying to destroy the union.

Phil, there is, without a doubt, something totally messed up about your facilities that it's infected six players, including another star in Braylon Edwards, with staph infection. Do you know how many times a player on my high school team contracted a staph infection in our diry facilities? Somewhere around zero.

By protecting his teamates Winslow is actually helping the organization, because the most important part of the organization is the team. Period. And Phil, the team is way, way, waaaay bigger then you.

When you make a big secret hush hush about an athletes illness, it makes it sound like he has AIDS or something.

You know what wrecks organizations more than telling the truth to the press? Massive cover-ups that endanger the team.

I don't know if it's a personality flaw or because he went to Miami or both, but Kellen Winslow has a tendancy to say extra stupid things at a pretty steady clip. This, however, is not one of those times. And if the Browns lose a tight one this week, your going to look like a grade A dumbass.

Because going 2-5, well, that REALLY tears down an organization.

But...

On the flip side...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I82BPA5QAaQ

Fine...Bench him... "I Don't give a HELL"...

Skirts For Everyone!!!

2008-10-20T14:37:00.000-07:00

Why I Love Polamalu And Hate Goodell

What's Next? No More Scary Tatoos?

Back in the day, Hall of Fame linebacker Jack Lambert suggested that the NFL put skirts on quarterbacks so they know not to hit them like they are actual football players.

Roger Goodell seems to want to make the skirt uniforms manditory for all players.

A little while back, the usually hard to crack Steelers safety Troy Polamalu opened up about his take on the direction the NFL was headed.

"It's becoming more and more flag football, two-hand touch," said Polamalu.

He would go on to say that league officials are turning football into a "pansy game" and that greats like Dick Butkus and Ronnie Lott wouldn't be able to play in todays game because they would be fined way to much and woulnd't be able to make rent.

I couldn't agree more.

I've already expressed my anger towards the babying of qbs, but thats done by referees. What Troy is talking about is perfectly legal, non-penalized hits that are resulting in fines well after the game has ended. What Troy is talking about are the two legal hits Hines Ward layed on corners this year that resulted in fines of 15,000 each.

Yeah, the NFL is protecting DEFENSIVE players from getting HIT!

Cardinals safety Adrian Wilson was fined 25,000 bucks because a legal hit he layed on Buffalo quarterback Trent Edwards resulted in a concussion.

Just because someone gets injured doesn't mean the hit was dirty. It is very possible to give someone a concussion from a totally legal form tackle.

It's football. People are supposed to get messed up. The players know that. It's been a reality since they played in high school. If you take away the brutality of football then you take away a key element that has made football the most popular sport in America.

If a player was afraid of injury, then they would switch to baseball.

If we have a bunch of players running around playing tentative, then they are going to get hurt. That's something players are taught very early on.

Fine happy Roger Goodell claims that this new wave of non-penalized hits being fined is due to a desire to protect the players from injury. This is true and false. True, the NFL wants to keep players from getting injured, but it has less to do with player safety and more to do with protection of assets. It's about money. If they really wanted to protect players from being injured, they wouldn't be currently debating the possibility of adding a couple more games to the regular season.

Oh really? That's more chances for players to get injured, more wear and tear, all of which could lead to shorter careers and less money for the players. It would, however, bring more money in for the league.

Safety of the players huh?

How about we stop fining players for hits, because that's what they are paid to do.

Let's also stop fining players for touchdown dances, trust me, no one is getting offended by them accept for everyone's racist grandpa who doesn't see why there aren't as many white fellas playing these days.

And lets kill this new "Defensive Delay Of Game" call that's being tossed around this season. Oh, a defensive player didn't immediatly pick up the ball and hand it to the nearest ref? He instead angrily hits the ground because he missed an easy pick. Well, we can't have emotion in football can we? Toss the yellow flag.

The fun police are already stepping all over College Football (Washington-BYU game anyone?), let's keep them out of the NFL.

Do it for Deion, do it for Butkus, and do it for my sanity.

"Anything Is Possible!!!" ...'Cept For Playing Defense

2008-10-12T20:55:00.000-07:00

With the NBA season upon us...

What I Love And Hate About The NBA

What I Hate...

The death of defense

Many NBA haters will point to selfish players that won't hustle as to why the NBA is an offense oriented league.

The blame doesn't lie with the players.

In the 1994-95 season NBA officials made a number of defensive moves collectivly called hand checking illegal. Hand checking occurs when a player uses a part of their body to impede the foreword and lateral movement of an offensive player. This contact includes...

when a defender "leaves" his hand(s) on an opponent
when a defender repeatedly touches an opponent
when a defender places two hands on an opponent
when a defender continually "jabs" an opponent
when an illegal armbar is used on an opponent

According to NBA officials, this was done to increase scoring.

According to NBA referees, this was done to limit injuries as each generation of players got bigger, faster, and stronger.

What this did was make it near impossible to play defense in a game that already favored offensive players.

How many times is it really blocking? How many times a game to they call charges?

What this did was make defense a lost art, and that isn't even the worst result of killing hand checking.

It turned basketball players into pansies.

In the pre-hand check foul basketball world, players would get mugged if they came driving down the lane.

Remember how teams used to play Jordan? Remember how the Pistons used to play, well, everybody?

Todays stars would wilt under that kind of beat down. Remember Lebron against the Wizards? They hacked him a few times and you would have thought they punched his mother.

Have you seen this guy? He's jacked! He's 10 times more ripped then Jordan and seems to think he can only take a fraction of the punishment or his career will be cut short.

Steve Nash gets rammed into the announce table and people start acting like something dirty just happened. It's a good thing Rodman doesn't play anymore.

Good defense has been reduced to the art of the believable flop. I'm sorry, if I wanted to watch players run down the court and score over and over again with little to no resistance, I'd dust off the old Super Nintendo and pop in NBA Jam.

What I Love...

The Quick Turnaround

Everyone always drools over the parity of the NFL, and while the NBA doesn't necessarily posses that equality of teams, it does have one thing going for it that you just can't say about football or baseball...

Every team is seemingly a couple players from contention.

Look at the Boston Celtics.

They went from being an insult to one of the greatest franchises in sports to NBA champions in a year. How? They added two players. This just doesn't work in football or baseball because of the number of starters and the specialization of each position. If tomorrow the Detroit Lions got Brian Urlacher and Adrian Peterson, they would probrably still suck. In basketball, it's a whole different story.

This makes off season moves all the more important. One trade here, a big free agent signing there and all of a sudden you jump from joke to championship contender. Every franchise has hope. Catch phrases like "Wait 'till next year" actually mean something.

It's the biggest positive to come out of the insane grab game that is sports free agency.

What I Don't Undestand...

Why does every next big stud have to be "the next Michael Jordan"? Why can't Kobe just be Kobe and Lebron just be Lebron?

For one, there will never be another Jordan. Why? Because aside from his talent and drive, there's never going to be anyone that insane.

People forget that he punched out Steve Kerr at practice for not hustling.

They also forget that he threw Horace Grant into a locker during half time because Grant wanted to sit out due to a migraine.

He used to take out other stars to dinner as a means of softening them up for when he played them.

It's a rumor that his friendship with Charles Barkley stemmed from Jordan's desire to learn Barkley's flaws and weaknesses so that he could destroy him.

I can stomach Kobe comparisons because they share a similar killer instinct, but Lebron? Really?

He seems... human.

There's No Cursing In Baseball

2008-10-05T13:29:00.000-07:00

After the quick exit by the Chicago Cubs, I'm moved to vent about one of the dumbest beliefs in sports.

That a team can actually be cursed...

The Red Sox proved how stupid a notion this was when they defeated the so called "Curse of the Bambino" when they won the World Series back in 2004.

Now, the Cubs more or less got ran over by the Dodgers this year. Mr. Clutch Aramis Ramirez stranded 19 batters. Alfonso Soriano made his case to become the A-Rod of the National League with his .212 lifetime average in the post season. This was their highest pay roll in team history, most wins in the national league, the favorites to win the NLCS.

Swept, again.

Yet seemingly intelligent adult sports writers and talking heads continue to mention the curse when covering the Cubs post season collapse.

Really? So some idiot back in the day was cranky because his goat got denied entrance into Wrigley. So he said the Cubs would never win the World Series and blah blah blah.

That guy must of had a sweet life.

"If my son doesn't get an A in Algebra, then I curse his teacher with 7 untwanted pregnancies!"

"If I get passed over for this job, then I curse my boss with 10 years of erectile dysfunction!"

"If I can't get my Cow into this Bears game, then many decades from now they will make it to the Superbowl only to be thwarted by their own partially retarded elf-man quarterback who shall wear the number 8!"

I would not want to make that guy angry.

Then of course there was a black cat running around on the field and really, how are you supposed to overcome that!

And Bartman...was that part of the goat curse, the black cat, or was that something totally new?

I mean wow, if that's all it takes to destroy a team then I need to say a few things...

I forever curse the Detroit Pistons for as long as 'Sheed continues to run around like a seven year old after he gets a traveling call. They will be forced to play in Detroit for all eternity!

If Tony Kornheiser doesn't stop bringing up Brett Favre and how much of a gun slinger he is during Monday Night Football when the Jets aren't even playing, then I curse him to be forced to work only with Shannon Sharpe, calling 9 man football games in Nebraska for the rest of his days.

I curse the Dallas Cowboys to have Jessica Simpson become their new defensive coordinator if my friend Travis doesn't stop saying things like "There is a hole in the roof at Texas Stadium so God can watch his team."

If Jay Mariotti doesn't find a new city to ruin then I forever curse him to have to live in an apartment with Hawk Harrelson.

And finally, Carmen Electra will never win an oscar until she marries me. So far this one is working pretty good actually.

There is no Santa Claus, The Stork didn't drop you off at your parents doorstep, and there is no such thing as curses.

Grow up people.

The Team That Shouldn't Win Just Might

2008-09-29T21:15:00.000-07:00

What I Love And Hate About The 2008 Chicago White Sox

What I Hate...

There is a lot to throw up about when talking about the 2008 Chicago White Sox. For one, if there is a more streaky team in the MLB, well, they should be sent down to Triple A. The same Sox team that took 2 of 3 from hands down the best team in the MLB, the Angels, will then get labeled by the bottom feeding Royals in Chicago. I know this sort of thing happens in baseball, but it seems the Sox are at their best when games don't matter.

They score 10-11-12 runs in a game, then go on a road trip

where they are lucky to score 5 runs total.

They had to take 2 of 3 from the Indians, a team they slapped around all season, to pass the Twins and make the playoffs.

This, apparently, proved to be impossible.

While on the topic of the Twins, here is a little fun fact. The Sox have over 100 more homeruns this year then the Twins, yet the Twins have more RBI's.

This speaks volumes. Dye, Thome, Konerko. Slow, slower, slowest. AJ can't run either, neither can most of the team. How does White Sox GM Kenny Williams adress this problem? Trading for Ken Griffey Jr. of course!

Don't get me wrong, the move was cool for name dropping purposes, but it did nothing to make the Sox any less dependent on the long ball. The very idea of "Ozzie Ball" is meaningless these days because Kenny Williams has made it impossible to play that style of baseball.

No one can steal a base, no one can beat out a throw, no one can turn a pop fly into a sac-fly.
Save for Alexei Ramirez and maybe Orlando Cabrera, you'd be hard pressed to call most of the Sox squad athletes.

Then there is Javier Vasquez. Could he be any less clutch? I couldn't care less how many K's he's tossed this year, the man can't win an important game to save his life. How is he going to contribute in the playoffs if the Sox make them? They are ALL big games.

And lets not forget Carlos Quentin. Yes, he has been amazing this year and looks like he's going to be helping the White Sox for a long time. That doesn't change the fact that the dude injured himself a month before the season ended in a tight race against the Twins. Sorry you popped out Carlos, but it's going to happen. A lot. Punching your bat until you fracture something is not only insane and stupid but it's also embarrassing. You were the leading MVP candidate.

Are you kidding me?

What I Love...

They circle the wagon better then any team in baseball. Get drubbed in Tampa? Ozzie will freak out and they go on a winning streak. Star player takes himself out? Struggling vet Paul Konerko steps it up and bats .380 in September. ESPN analysts start demanding Ozzie's job over demeaning locker room decorations? The team circles their manager and gives him their complete support.
They are less like a baseball team and more like Animal House, stuffing each other in lockers and slamming the game MVP with a shaving cream pie during their post game interviews.

They either got totally lucky or knew something no one did when they hit the jackpot with Carlos Quentin and Alexei Ramirez. They did the same with Gavin Floyd and John Danks. They took chances paying struggling vets Mark Buehrle and Jermaine Dye and both have paid off.

Speaking of taking chances, he may seem insane half of the time but you can't deny there is a method to Ozzie's madness. Whenever the Sox run into a wall Ozzie wigs out, drops a couple f-bombs and for whatever reason they start winning again. Call it taking the heat off his players, call it making his players and coaching staff fearing for their jobs, it just works.

And at the end of the day, as many games as the White Sox have blown this year, they just refuse to go away. Like Peter Gammons said going into the Sox-Tigers game that Chicago pulled out to force a one game playoff against the Twins, there is just something about the "prickly" nature of the White Sox that makes them dangerous when their backs are against the wall.

And special for this post...

What I Better See...

If the Sox are getting pounded by the Twins in the tie breaker game, I better see a bench clearing brawl. Why not? If you can't make the playoffs, why not beat up on a team that will? What are they going to do, suspend you for games that you aren't going to play? I'm thinking A.J. sucker punches Carlos Gomez when he's standing at the plate, or maybe Ozzie Guillen could kick an unsuspecting Twins bat boy in the knee cap.

If you can't beat them, beat them up.

Ozzie and Peanut Need Hugs

2008-09-24T22:31:00.000-07:00

What I Hate...

No Love For The Pale Hose

You don't need to lecture me on the issues the White Sox have within the City of Chicago. Growing up a Sox fan in a Cubs town, I'm well aware of the fact that the city will always belong to the Lovable Losers. I understand that. I don't like it, but I've gotten used to it and it no longer irks me.

What I don't understand, however, is why no one in the national media seems to see anything news worthy coming out of the South Side, save for the weekly outburst from Ozzie.

I try and steer clear of being a total homer, but in light of the regular season winding down, allow me to vent.

If the Sox suck, like they have oh so many times in their history, then as a whole, they are scoffed at by the national media and rightfully so. The problem I have with the sports writing world happens when the Sox are occasionally good, like for example this season.

Everyone acts like they are all of a sudden the big bad team that needs to be upset.

All season long, every analyst and anchor from Buck to Kruck waxes poetic about how the Twins are the biggest suprise coming out of the AL Central. Yeah I get that they gave up Santana and Hunter, but are they really the most suprising team? They have Mauer and Morneau, better all around players then anyone on the Sox. They have hyper fast outfielders in Young and Gomez. They were picked to finish 3rd in the Central behind the Tigers and the Indians.

The White Sox were picked to finish either last or second to last depending on the expert. Worst to first is a more suprising leap then third to second or even third to first. Yet the Twins are the suprise? Look at the White Sox roster.

I mean really look at it.

How the Hell have they gotten this far?

It's a team of geriatric home run hitters and a couple guys who can field but can't really hit. Their bullpen WAS lights out but hasn't been in months. Our best player has been kissing bench for a month now because he is really smart and injured himself by bashing his forearm into a bat repeatedly.

Just because the White Sox were the really scary bad guy team in Angels in the Outfield AND one of the Major League movies (I think it was the second one) doesn't mean they are some sort of juggernaut. They suck usually. They sort of suck now. Yet across the Baseball world, the Twinkies are getting all the Aw-Shucks points and the Sox are treated like the heartless winning machine, ripe for an upset.

Did I miss something?

What I Love...

Charles Tillman

I know, I should be hating on him right? He showed no self control and cost the Bears the game right? Well firstly, he didn't. The Bears-Bucs game never should have gone to overtime. The Bears Defense blew a double digit lead in the 4th quarter to a Brian Greise ran offense. Ron Turner jumped back into his shell and stopped going to Brandon Lloyd for the kill. Robbie Gould missed a fairly easy field goal.

Tillman was slapped with a 15 yard penatly when he was caught throwing punches at the end of a drive ending play that would have forced the Bucs to punt out of their endzone in OT, giving the Bears fairly good field position to try and get a game winning drive going. It sounds bad. It wasn't, or at least I don't see it that way.

For one, it was a two team rumble and any good ref would have thrown multiple flags that would offset each other and everything would have been kosher.

But lets forget about that and look at the situation. Tampa Bay offensive lineman Jeremy Trueblood found himself on top of Bears defensive end Adewale Ogunleye at the end of the play, so naturally, he stars clubbing Ogunleye in the face repeatedly.

Tillman saw his teamate on his back taking cheap shots to the face, so he did what a good teamate would do and ran in to help him. I don't have a problem with this at all. Win or loss I'd rather pull for a team where the players have eachother's back.

I mean what should he have done? Said "Well I'm going to let this fat guy keep pounding my teamate in the skull, possibly doing some real damage, 'cuz gee wiz I there's a slim chance my teams demented offense could pull off a win."

And for all the morally outraged fans out their who are quick to call players who get in fights bad role models for the youngsters out their should ask themselves this; if your son is at the playground, and some kid is beating the crap out of one of his friends, should he just sit their and watch so he doesn't get in trouble?

Tillman, at the core of it, was sticking up for one of his friends, that's what I'm going to teach my kids to do, and I'm not going to hate on Peanut Tillman for doing so.

What I Don't Understand...

Quarterback Jumble

During last Saturday's Iowa-Pitt game, the Hawkeye coaching staff started Jake Christensen, pulled him and gave Ricky Stanzi the ball, and then pulled him and tossed Jake back in. They both pretty much accomplished the same, Ricky set up a scoring drive, Jake ran one in. Neither player really brings anything different to the table. It's not like one is the passer and one is a rushing threat. They are both pretty standard pocket passers. So pick one. Jake has looked equal parts great and terrible in his career at Iowa, and Stanzi played very well against Florida International and played very poorly against Iowa State.

What I'm saying is, pick one and stick with them. By flipping between them, all your doing is wrecking their confidence.

I wan't someone on the coaching staff to explain to me the reasoning behind the mid game flips, or in the case of the Pitt game, multiple changes of heart.

It didn't work for the Bears.

I doubt It will pan out for the Hawkeyes.

Overtime and Coke: Bad Rules and Big D

2008-09-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

What I Hate...

NFL Overtime

I know I've complained about the NFL sudden death overtime before, but considering two games ended in OT this weekend, I feel like I need to hop back on that soap box.

I understand that the NFL is the only major American team sport that doesn't allow local broadcasts, so naturally there are going to be some scheduling issues if all those games are on only two channels (AFC games on CBS, NFC on FOX).

But there is something seriously wrong about rules being set up for the benefit of TV deals, and at the expense of fair competition.

Some sports have sudden death overtimes, for example hockey, but this just doesn't make sense in football due to the nature of an offensvive unit running play after play against a defensive unit. The team that gets stuck on defense is put at a complete disadvantage.

Think what it would be like if other sports adopted this backwards practice.

Sudden death baseball? One team hits a walk off homerun in the top of the 10th, and the game is over? The team on defense never gets to step up to bat. How stupid would that be?

Or sudden death basketball. What if overtime was just the first person to score? No one would be cool with that.

They have been playing high school and college football way longer than the NFL has been around, and there overtime system reflects that. Both team get an equal shot at the endzone, each team gets a shot at stopping them. Over and over until its over.

All I'm saying is that a game shouldn't be decided on a coin toss. Period.

What I Love...

The Rebirth of the Cowboys

Disclaimer, I hate the Cowboys. I'm not happy about them being superbowl favorites because I like them, quite the opposite. When Tom Brady went down, the Patriots became a lot less scary. Last seasons bottom feeder Miami beating the Pats this Sunday did even more to make Boston seem like just another team.

Who's left to hate? The Patriots were the perfect bad guys. Pretty boy quarterback that most guys hate for that very reason. Heartless coach with a thing for running up the score. Painfully annoying fan base (they are Red Sox fans, don't forget that). Randy Moss.

Every sport needs the devil.

Enter the Cowboys.

Remember how annoying they were back in the day? Jimmy Johnson and his goofy hair. Emmit Smith passing Walter Payton, maybe the most loved human in sports history, on the all time rush list. Michael "Nose Candy" Irvin. Deion Sanders.

Now they could be almost as painful. Tony Romo is everywhere. They have Tank Johnson AND Pacman Jones. Jerry Jones is seemingly trying to take back his crown as most irritating owner in Texas from Mark Cuban. Then you've got T.O. At least Michael Irvin's off the field garbage was fun, coke fueled orgies build team unity. T.O. just cries on TV and tries to kill himself.

And the fans? More irksome than Yankee and Laker fans combined, and every bit as trendy for people of the fair weather variety.

They call themselves "America's Team".

I can't wait to cheer against them.

And new on my blog...

What I Don't Understand...

Pep Talk by Ozzie

The Chicago White Sox are set to take on the Minnesota Twins. The series is in Minnesota, and set to start the series opener for the White Sox is the incredibly average Javier Vasquez. Big game right? The skipper may want to offer some words of encouragement right? You don't know Ozzie.

When asked about Vasquez's big game pitcher cred...

"He hasn't been. That's the bottom line. What you see is what you get."

Really Ozzie? Your going the "You suck now prove me wrong" approach on a guy who quite frankly hasn't shown he can handle criticism and hardship?

Then again, he's got a ring.

And hey, it worked for Bobby Knight.

What You Were Talking About

2008-09-15T17:01:00.000-07:00

This is my list of the 10 most memorable moments in sports from the last decade. This isn't a list of my personal most memorable moments, but what I feel was most memorable on a national scale

1. 2004 World Series: Boston beats St.Louis
Boston finally ended an 86 year drought and overcame the curse of the Bambino. This is also huge because in recent years they have become a powerhouse by taking another World Series ring and are now neck and neck with the Yankees for control of the Western Hemisphere.

2. Super Bowl XLII: New York 17 New England 14

The ultimate team goes down to the goofy Manning. How did no one do that in the regular season? They pretty much blitzed Brady...alot. They more or less played the Patriots like I played NFL Blitz for Nintendo 64.

3. NBA Finals 1998: Bulls-Jazz

The greatest player to play the game ends his career with the game winning shot in the NBA Finals. Yes, I realise that it wasn't really his last game, but it was the last time he was still His Airness, not, well, whatever the Hell he was on the Wizards.

4. 2005 World Series: White Sox sweep Astros

A year after Boston broke the drought, the White Sox broke their 88 year dry spell with an 11-1 run through the playoffs. This is especially important because the White Sox are the second favorite baseball team in their own city. By winning the World Series, it made the Cubs-Sox rivalry 100 times more bitter.

5. Fiesta Bowl 2007: Boise State 43 Oklahoma 42
Maybe the greatest football game I will ever see. That and it played like a movie, I mean after Ian Johnson scored the game winning touchdown off of a STATUE OF LIBERTY play, he actually proposed to his cheerleader girlfriend. It almost seemed scripted. That, and it was the biggest upset since the Mighty Ducks defeated Team Iceland in Mighty Ducks 2.

6. 2004: Pistons-Pacers Brawl (Malice at the Palice)
Biggest Public Relations hit the NBA will likely ever have. Brawls are all good but when the fans get involved then you have some problems. Something to think about though, why weren't the fans given the proper amount of hate that all the players got. Lets be honest, what would you do if someone sucker punched you and threw beer on you. You might take a swing at them too.

7. 2001 ALCS: Yankees beat Mariners 4 games to 1
The only time the country hasn't hated the Yankees across the board. After the 9/11 attacks, America actually got behind the bad guys and rightfully so. They were unable to win the World Series, but just getting there was enough to help things get back to normal for much of the country.

8. 2004 Athens Summer Olympics: Team USA goes down

When mens basketball was defeated by Argentina 89-81, team USA had to settle for the Bronze medal. This forced America to re-acess how it approached Olympic basketball, namely that they couldn't just show up and win simply because they had more NBA players then the other teams.

9. 2006: Terrell Owens Hydrocodone overdose

Out of all the insane garbage TO finds himself in, nothing beats the time he just about killed himself. Despite what the police said, TO and his publicist both denied anything crazy went down, but at the end of the day, he was still carried out of his home, unresponsive, and his publicist still called 9-1-1 in fear that her client had tried to commit suicide.

10. 2003: Kobe Bryant Sex Assault Charge

The NBA almost saw their best player go away for a sexual assault charge. The woman in question refused to testify though, and for the most part Bryant has been seen as innocent. However, at the time of the allegation, Bryant lost most of his sponsors and his hopes to be seen as the Michael Jordan of his era looked like an impossibility.

Shanahanigans

2008-09-14T21:05:00.000-07:00

What I Hate...

Coward Coaches

The Chicago Bears were down 20-17 to the Carolina Panthers and on the road. The clock was winding down, this was there last possession of the ball game. Chicago was at midfield. 4th and 1. Give it to your fullback right? That's what the Bears did. Grind it out for the first down. That's what I would do...If it was 1958 and I was Bear Bryant.

Bears fullback Jason McKie was stuffed. Bears lose.

By calling a fullback dive on 4th and 1 with the game on the line, Bears offensive coordinator Ron Turner basically said "I don't trust quarterback Kyle Orton to hit a one yard curl to a tight end when the game is on the line." Not only was his call vanilla, old school, and timid, it was a no confidence vote for his starting quarterback. Playing it safe in a comeback situation is not going to get you a W.

Kyle Orton is no super star, but he's proven that he is very accurate in the short passing game. Running Back Matt Forte is very capable in the passing game and would have been a great target for a short two or three yard dump off pass out of the back field. They just had to get into field goal range.

The Panther's weren't about to let the Bears recievers get down the field to make a reception that would put the bears in field goal range, so it was the perfect time for a fast-cut route for minimal gain. That short, easy to make passing play would have kept the Bears alive. Instead Ron Turner went with the ground a pound running game, serving the mentality the Bears have preached for decades, and why they will sadly always be also rans.

Back in the 60's, it was smash mouth, today, it's just cowardly.

What I Love...

Mike Shanahan and going for the win

This just doesn't happen enough. In the age of coaches being brought in and kicked out every three seasons, many are too afraid of failure to take victory.

During Sundays Denver-San Diego game, the Broncos were down 29-38 with 24 seconds left. Follwoing a controversial call by the refs that allowed a clear lost fumble by Jay Cutler be ruled an incomplete pass, Cutler connected on a four yard pass on 4th down to rookie reciever Eddie Royal. Down by one, conventional wisdom says kick the extra point, squib the kick off, and then battle it out in overtime. That's the safe call.

It's not, however, going for the win. Shanahan opted to go for two, and Cutler connected again with Royal, who was in double coverage, for a game winning two-point conversion.

Shanahan has two super bowl rings, and it doesn't seem like he's worried about losing his job anytime soon, but going for two was still an awesome call.

The NFL has the hands down worst overtime setup in all of sports. Instead of using the overtime style used in both college and high school football, were both teams are given an equal shot at scoring, The NFL decides there overtime on a coin flip. One team gets the ball and tries to score on a tired defense. If they score, it's game over. The NFL says hey, you know what's more important than fairness? Ending games in a timely fashion

San Diego is a better team than Denver, at least on paper. It was upset time and the last thing Shanahan wanted was to risk the Chargers getting the ball in overtime and letting Darren Sproles break off another huge touchdown run.

Yes, they could have been stopped by San Diego's defense, but when your that close to the goal line, isn't that situation really in the offenses favor? If someone bet you 10 bucks that Denver wasn't going to get the 2-point conversion, wouldn't you take it? I would. Both defenses looked suspect all game, and as the game goes on, favor falls with the offense.

The possibility of failure hand-cuffs too many play-callers. Props to Mike Shanahan for not being afraid to fail.

Sucker Punches and Spelling Bees

2008-09-08T19:01:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of messed up things about American sports today, but if I could only change three things, they would be...

Change Number One

Stop playing the National Spelling Bee on ESPN

I don't care if it is on ESPN 6 or whatever. It's not a sport. I'm not all that bright but i'm pretty certain that ESPN is a sports network. I have a hard enough time considering NASCAR a sport or Golfers athletes. Just because the average American can't do it doesn't make it a sport. Most people can't speak three languages, but being tri-lingual isn't a sport. Neither is being able to spell difficult words.

Who's idea was this?

I mean seriously, are they making the claim that these kids are athletes?

I'm pretty sure nothing is going on at those competitions that involves a whole lot of agility, or strength, or having any limbs.

C-SPAN maybe. ESPN no.

Change Number Two

Treat Quarterbacks like football players, not snowflakes

I'm all for keeping injuries to a minimum, especially in a sport like football where injuries are so prevelent, but it's getting out of hand.

In the Bears Colts game, Urlacher came in and hit Peyton Manning as the ball was leaving his hands, you know, he was playing defense. Instead, he was slapped with a roughing the passer penalty, because apparently Peyton Manning wears all those pads because they make his legs look slimmer, not because, well, it's a contact sport. I mean what's Urlacher supposed to do, he jumped into Peyton Manning, he tossed up a prayer at the last possible moment.

I wasn't aware that the definition of roughing the passer was any contact with a QB that isn't a sack. It's already pretty much illegal for cornerbacks to cover wide recievers without getting slapped with a pass interference call, and holding is basically never called, and your not allowed to horse coller tackle anyone so if your trailing a ball carrier your options are real limited. Why are we making it even harder to play defense. Are they trying to make the NFL the NBA?

Change Number Three

The Double Standard of Sports Brawls.

When Carmelo Anthony and co. got in a scrap with the Knicks last season, Anthony recieved a 15 game suspension. He was also called a thug, as were his teamates and opponents. All that for more or less slapping someone and then retreating.

When a bench clearing brawl occured between the Chicago White Sox and the Chicago Cubs a couple seasons ago, all anyone talked about was the heated Cubs-Sox rivalry and how A.J. Pierzynski has a knack for getting into shenanigans. This is a fight that saw a Cubs player heading to the hospital after getting clocked by Brian Anerson.

Sportscenter plays often nasty hockey fights on the top ten plays of the day.

Am I knocking sports brawls? No way. I love sports brawls. They're proof that athletes play for more then just money.

My problem is with the double standard.

15 day suspension and public shaming for Carmelo Anthony, a couple minutes in the penalty box for a hockey fight that ends in a knock out. "But it's hockey man, boys will be boys!" I agree totally, but why are those same sports folk talking about the NBA and its image problem?

Is it a race thing? The NHL is almost totally white, the MLB has more white and hispanic players than black. The NBA however, is for the most part black. Is it a race thing? You tell me?

Carmelo slapping and dancing=thug.

Nolan Ryan puts Robin Ventura in a head lock and bashes him in the skull repeatedly=teaching a young whipper snapper a lesson in manners.

Race thing? Without a doubt, and it's thinly veiled.

The Fun Police and Jim Abbott

2008-09-08T16:17:00.000-07:00

What I Hate...

BYU-Washington

Nothing truly captures the pure joy of sports like when mindless rule-nazis throttle the life out of logic.

You had your classic college football upset scare in the works. #15 Brigham Young was on the road and struggling to put away a Washington team powered by "Baby Tebow" Jake Locker. Down 28 to 21 and driving, The Washington Huskies had backed the BYU Cougars against their goaline.

That's when Locker put on the hero pants and scrambled into the endzone as time expires. All they had to do now was pop in the extra point and get ready for overtime. But it wasn't that simple, because wouldn't you know it, the REAL heroes had to come in and save us FROM Locker.

Turns out Locker had the balls to jump up in the air after scoring a potentially game saving touchdown and, wait for it, throw the ball in...the...air.

My GOD, who does this scumbag think he is.

Good things the refs came in and taught Locker a lesson about not being happy by slapping him and his teamates with a 15 yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. This backed up the Hustkies, forcing them to kick a 35 yard extra point that was blocked by BYU, giving the Cougs the W.

After the game, the refs defended themselves by saying they had to throw the flag as stated by NCAA rules.

"After scoring the touchdown, the player threw the ball into the air and we are required, by rule, to assess a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. It is a celebration rule that we are required to call. it was not a judgment call."

Thats garbage. If every illegal play was called holding would be called on every single play of every single game on every single level of football. This is a fact. My high school offensive line coach taught our offensive line to hold.

It's called logic. The kid jumped in the air, tossed the ball up (while facing one of his teamates, not the opposing fans) and hugged a teamate. Are you kidding me. How many times does an opposing player do a mock gator chop when they score a touchdown at the swamp? How many times does a Longhorn player throw up a hook 'em horn sign when they score (or a "horns down" sign when they're an opposing player). Yet you can't throw a ball up a few feet when you pull off an upset creating touchdown? The refs didn't win the game for BYU, but they pretty much lost the game for the Huskies.

Apparently emotion has no place in college football.

What I love...

15 years ago on September 4th Jim Abbott pitched a no hitter against the Cleavland Indians (he pitched for the Yankees).

He is one of four left handed pitchers to throw a no hitter for the Yankees. He's the only one, however, that was born without a right hand. I had forgotten about him though and I'm suprised I did.

Has there been a greater story in sports, any sport, well, ever? I mean this is not an athlete with a disability who was on the bench or only saw action at practice, this was a PITCHER who was born with one hand who not only was a big league starter for ten years, but was a first round draft pick, winner of the James E. Sullivan award in 1987 for the nations top amatuer athlete, won the Big Ten MVP award (pitching for Michigan) and won a gold medal at the 1988 summer olympics!

When's the movie coming out? For real. Just make sure Disney doesn't the rights to the story and make some watered down crappy kids movie about it.

I challenge you to find an athlete more deserving of our respect.

Frank Beamer Hates Cupcakes

2008-09-01T16:52:00.000-07:00

I'm Sean Morgan, and I love sports. For the most part anyway. For every Boise State upset of Oklahoma there's Brett Favre being called a gunslinger for throwing interceptions and wearing wranglers. This is my soap box

Cupcake Weekend

What I Hate...

What exactly does the University of Iowa learn about their team by kicking the crap out of Maine University? The Hawekeyes offense has been playing the Hawkeyes defense for the last half a year, so tell me, what does any big school learn about themselves by abusing Division 746 Vermont? Let me put it this way...

Maine Defenseive Tackle Douglas Alston is 6 foot 3, 215 pounds

Iowa Quarterback Jake Christensen is 6 foot 1, 215 pounds

Need I say more?

Yes I do, because as lame as it is that giant schools pretend that spanking students from Stony Brook University somehow makes their players more battle tested, the real scumbag in this is the tiny schools that take the beatings.

4.5 million dollars were given to the Maine Athletic Department so that their players could be shipped to Iowa City and be shamed and executed. But hey, atleast there's cheerleaders.

What I Love...

#17 Virginia Tech 22

East Carolina 27

When big pompous schools pay tiny schools crazy money to slap them in public. It's like in Dirty Harry when the bad guy pays a drug dealer to stomp on his face so Clint Eastwood won't recognize him. And if you didn't get that reference, don't worry about it, it just means you have more friend then me, or cooler ones, or both.