Monday, November 10, 2008

Monday Night No Pants Dance

Monday Night Football Game Blog

San Francisco 49ers v. Arizona Cardinals


Will Kurt Warner Make Mike Singletary Get Naked?

Random Countdown notes: Ditka looks lost. Boomer asked the table what the Eagles did wrong in their loss to the Giants on Sunday. Everyone gives their thoughts, then it comes to Ditka. He freaks out because no one mentioned what the Giants did. Keyshawn fails to make Mike understand that they were talking about the Eagles team problems...

Silence ensues.

Later, Keyshawn mumbles something about Ditka not understanding a players perspective, seemingly unaware that Ditka is a Hall of Fame tight end. Ditka and Keyshawn seem to be trying to out dumb each other. I giggle.

ESPN shows the result of the last MNF game in Arizona, the Bears insane comeback capped off by a Devin Hester punt return. No points where scored by the Bears offense in the comeback. The best part? well...

Some one needs to put an end to that stupid little segment they do now where they do a quizz between a players wife and one of their teamates over who knows them better. You know the player is just going to give his wife all the answers beforehand so she doesn't look retarded on TV.

Commerical Alert---

A commerical for the Country Music Awards was aired, and the voice over claimed that the CMA Awards was "the one event that brings the whole country together". What the hell? Are you kidding me? half the country hates country music. I'm sure not going to watch it. No one would claim the Source Awards bring the entire country to their feet. I'm pretty sure that the people over 50 demographic will be doing something else. Same goes for the CMA Awards, only in this case, the much sought after "People with teeth" demographic will probably not be tuning in.

Anyone else creeped out by the MNF Countdown entrance video? You know, the one where the Countdown crew is walking all slow-badass like through a burning factory? Oooh, scary, A bunch of chubby old guys in ties trotting in a group like some geriatric Reservoir Dogs. It just looks sad.

Keyshawn Johnson compared Anquan Boldin to a young, well, him. I don't see it. I don't remember Keyshawn being that physical.

Every member of the Countdown squad picked the Cards, so basically none of them have any balls.

Hank Williams looks like someones drunk grandpa when he does/says "raise the roof" during the opening song. Also, I just can't look at him the same way after watching him campaign for Sarah Palin for the past few weeks. Ugh. See my comments on the CMA awards above.

And it begins...

Quarter 1

7:41- Allen Rossum just took back to opening kickoff for the 49ers. After all the crap being talked in the pregame about how amazing Arizona is, I kind of want to see them fall on their faces.
7:44- What ever happened to the sweet/retarded player led starter announcements? Now they just mumble them. Where is the MNF spice? They also stopped doing the celeb openings. Lame.

7:49- Rackers kicks one through and it's 7-3, and Sean is officially already bored.

7:56- Michael Robinson takes a snap out of the Wildcat Formation to get a 49ers first down. I love how everyone is now doing the Wildcat formation this season after the Dophins beat the Patriots using it. So much posing going on.

8:00-Commerical Alert---

I really don't get the new Bud Light commericals. The whole "there is a difference between us and other light beers" thing doesnt make sense to me. Who will just drink any beer? Doesn't everyone have a preference? Do you really need to spend money convincing people that Bud Light and Miller Light don't taste the same? Wouldn't it be money better spent to just come out and say "Miller Light taste like urine"?
8:02- The Cards just did their own Wildcat offense, a direct snap from Anquan Boldin. Speaking of Boldin, I was screwed by ESPN. Anquan Boldin was the best player on my fantasy team. When he got taken out against the Jets, everyone said his face was broken and he was done-zo. So I drop him, and suprise, he's back in pads a couple weeks later. What happened to the facial reconstruction surgery he was supposed to have? You can really bounce back that fast from a broken face? Jesus.

8:10-Challenge: Ruling on the field says Jason Hill's catch was incomplete as he landed out of bounds without possession. I think they're right but the 49ers, especially Mike Martz, don't. I also don't care. NFC West...End the madness.
8:12-Ruling on the field stands, so I'm right and, yet, I still don't care.

8:14- I'm owning in fantasy right now, and my opponent only has Edgerrin James left, who is playing second fiddle tonight to rookie Tim Hightower.

I'm above the law.

8:17- San Fran pulls off a reverse on the punt return and gets pretty solid yardage. As of right now, they are playing like they have nothing to lose, mostly because they don't.

End of Quarter note: Right now, Samurai Mike is showing Martz who wears the pants. They are running way more then passing.

Quarter 2

8:23-Josh Morgan pulls in a 30+ yard Shaun Hill pass and takes it in to put the 49ers up 14 to 3. I thought San Fran was supposed to crumble into a heap and piss themselves tonight? They must not have gotten the memo.

8:28- Michigan alum Steve Breaston caught a 44 yard pass from old man Warner, putting the Cards in the red zone.

8:29- Two plays after the Breaston bomb, Boldin snags a catch five yards or so out and runs it in to pull the cards within 4 (14-10).

8:34- Tony K just said he takes pain killers everyday and suddenly everything makes sense

8:36- The ad for the Thursday night Patriots-Jets game is really pissing me off. "Brett Favre has superpowers and is a hero and blah blah blah" give me a break. Can the nation please remove their collective lips from Brett Favre's Wranglers? Please? Also, can Tony K please stop giggling about Boldin's doctor vacationing in France. What is so funny? Again, the pain killer comment is making even more sense.

8:42 Commercial Alert---

Why does Gary Dolphin do commercials for IWireless? Everyone knows he can't use a computer.

8:44-Hightower "fumbles" but it looks like he was down. Arizona challenges...please make this quick. I'm going to channel flip aimlessly because I don't want to hear them ramble.

8:47-Challenge works and Arizona gets the ball back. I'm racked with joy.
8:48-Boldin just made a badass play. He made the catch, ran over the corner, cut, and ran another ten yards. Anquan Boldin and Hines Ward are the only two wide receivers that I would actually describe as mean.

8:50- Warner does NOT want to run. He had ten yards ahead of him and he instead chose to just hop around and throw it into the dirt as he was going down.

8:52- Rackers pops in a 30+ yarder and it's a 14-13 game.

8:55- Singletary said he wants the team to be a family. So...he takes his pants off in front of his family? Child Services, meet the Singletary kids.

8:57- Shaun Hill just ran for a first down, and it wasn't by sliding. He took on a Cardinal defender head on, lost his helmet a few yards shy of the first down marker, and kept running and then freaked out. Singletary just got a funny feeling in his pants. I instantly love Shaun Hill.

9:08- Vernon Davis made an awesome grab in the endzone, jumping over a good Adrian Wilson, for a 15 yard touchdown catch. He got out of Singletary's dog house for like 5 seconds, until Davis tossed off his helmet and got an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. Singletary gave him a hug though so I think it's all good. 21-13.

9:11-The Cards just screw up the kick off and get the ball on what looks like the 8 with 26 seconds left. They got in shotgun for some retarded reason. Nothing happens though and they get a boo train running to the endzone.

End of Half note: The Cards are getting out hustled, out worked, and basically punked out by an inferior team. Singletary's methods are looking pretty genius right now.

Quarter 3

9:30-I missed a little of the Cards drive because I was watching South Park. What are you going to do, it's the NFC West.

9:33- The Cards go for it on 4th down and Warner hits Fitzgerald on a quick slant for a touchdown and are trailing the 49ers by 1. I love the call. You have to go for it on 4th and 1 in the redzone when you trailing an upset minded team.

9:39-Martz just called a run play on 3rd and 4 and it worked. Could you imagine the Detroit Martz calling a run on 3rd and 4?

9:40- Vernon Davis totally could have dove for a touchdown catch but didn't because he's soft. Period.

9:43- Singeltary and Martz are now screaming at eachother over whether or not to kick a field goal or go for it. They kick it and it's good, making it 24-20. Not sure who wanted to do what.

9:46-Singletary and Martz are hugging it out. Boy am I relieved.

9:53- Jaws "I thought this was a contact sport" amen brother. Anquan Boldin brushed the corner on the arm as he was cutting and apparently that was offensive pass interference. Weak.

9:56- Tony K is making fun of Cards fans for booing because they haven't been good in a while. That makes sense.

9:59- Antrel Rolle just picked off a Hill pass and took it back for 6. He did a sweet back flip and everything but it didn't matter. Defensive offsides. That's just ugly.

10:00-No worries, the very next play Hill lost the ball when he crashed into an offensive lineman and the Cards fell on it. Arizona ball in the redzone.

end of quarter note-Tony K hasn't mentioned Brett Favre even once. Do I dare jinx it?

10:06-Daily Show update---

"Sarah Palin is so dumb she thinks Soy Milk is spanish for 'I am Milk'".

10:08-Kurt Warner pretty much just intentionally grounded the ball but managed to cry to the ref enough to make the ref very audibly say "Relax Kurt" and called off the penalty. Field goal, 23-24 San Fran.

10:22- Anquan Boldin gets more yards after the first hit then I think i've ever seen for a reciever. The dude is way too much man for the NFC West.

10:29- Once again, a Cardinals pick six gets taken back from someone jumping offsided. They just don't deserve to win this game.

10:32-Karlos Dansby just picked off Shaun Hill and took it down to what looks like the 6. They have played like garbage but it looks like in spite of themselves the Cards might pull this one out.

10:34-Quick pass to Boldin results in a touchdown, his 10th of the season. Now for the two-point...

10:37-False start...the Cards are killing themselves with penalties tonight. Second attempt at 2 points...

10:37-Mark Roman breaks up a pass intended for Larry Fitzgerald to keep the game at 24-29 in favor of Arizona.

10:41-A possible pass interference call gets erased because the ball was tipped at the line. I've never heard of that rule.

10:42- The 49ers are challenging the deflection.

10:43- Now they aren't I guess because the flag they threw for pass interference was an accident. Why must they torture me.

10:44- The 49ers drive continues with a stupid late hit by Dansby. Super blatant and is just one of many penalties that could cost the Cards the game.

10:45-The Cards just jumped offsided. If they win this game it will be because the football gods have intervened. The Cards are playing a very stupid game.

10:47- The ref got in the way of Frank Gore making a catch. How do these refs seem to always get in the way?

10:47- Jason Hill made a sick catch to keep the drive alive, diving out of bounds and dragging his feet.

10:48- San Fran just got a holding call and this is turning into a badly coached high school game with the 354369954876 penalty of the game between the two teams.
10:50- Another penalty. I don't know what it is. I don't care. I flipped the channel for a few so I wouldn't find out. Call it a protest flip.

10:50- Big pass to practice squad guy Zeigler.

10:51- Shaun Hill attempts a shuttle pass and it gets picked off by Adrian Wilson. That should be all she wrote. More importantly, Mike Tirico called the shuttle pass a "Brett Favre" shuttle pass. Why? Of course, Tony K jumps in and happily giggles "BRETT FAVRE PASS" and I reach for the revolver under my pillow.

10:55-Stuart Scott hyped up the post game that I'm without a doubt not going to watch.

10:56-I've been watching a game that I'm not interested in for hours now, knowing full well I have to write a paper still about the Mahdi Army in Iraq. I know nothing of these people.

10:59-Jason Hill grabs a 10 yard reception and the 49ers actually have a chance here. Problem is, Frank Gore is out with an injury.

11:00-Jason Hill grabs another one and now San Fran is on the 15.

11:01-Jason Hill makes the catch and jukes a defender, taking it down to what looks like the 1.

11:01- Timeout Arizona. Somewhere I can hear Dennis Green screaming "We let 'em off the HOOK!!!!"

11:03-Gore is back in teh game and runs wide, going down at the 1. Hill barely gets the offense lined up to spike the ball with 2 seconds left.

11:05- Spot is reset at the 2 with 4 seconds left. The 49ers sprint to get the play off, run up the middle and are stuffed. Damn. That's a kick to the step kids. For some reason they give the ball to Michael Robinson instead of Frank Gore and they pay for it. Big goal line stand.

End of the game note-The Cardinals didn't deserve to win this game. Yeah, Kurt played great, so did Boldin, but they made so many retarded mistakes that it was really pretty embarrassing. That, and Kurt Warner is one of those dudes that has to do a lot of Jesus name dropping in postgame interviews, and that just annoys the Hell out of me. In protest, I'm never going to watch another NFC West game again all season.

1 comment:

E. Van Dril said...

That Source awards reference was brilliant. I wish I would have made it.