Sunday, October 5, 2008

There's No Cursing In Baseball

After the quick exit by the Chicago Cubs, I'm moved to vent about one of the dumbest beliefs in sports.

That a team can actually be cursed...

The Red Sox proved how stupid a notion this was when they defeated the so called "Curse of the Bambino" when they won the World Series back in 2004.

Now, the Cubs more or less got ran over by the Dodgers this year. Mr. Clutch Aramis Ramirez stranded 19 batters. Alfonso Soriano made his case to become the A-Rod of the National League with his .212 lifetime average in the post season. This was their highest pay roll in team history, most wins in the national league, the favorites to win the NLCS.

Swept, again.
Yet seemingly intelligent adult sports writers and talking heads continue to mention the curse when covering the Cubs post season collapse.

Really? So some idiot back in the day was cranky because his goat got denied entrance into Wrigley. So he said the Cubs would never win the World Series and blah blah blah.

That guy must of had a sweet life.

"If my son doesn't get an A in Algebra, then I curse his teacher with 7 untwanted pregnancies!"

"If I get passed over for this job, then I curse my boss with 10 years of erectile dysfunction!"
"If I can't get my Cow into this Bears game, then many decades from now they will make it to the Superbowl only to be thwarted by their own partially retarded elf-man quarterback who shall wear the number 8!"

I would not want to make that guy angry.

Then of course there was a black cat running around on the field and really, how are you supposed to overcome that!

And Bartman...was that part of the goat curse, the black cat, or was that something totally new?

I mean wow, if that's all it takes to destroy a team then I need to say a few things...
  1. I forever curse the Detroit Pistons for as long as 'Sheed continues to run around like a seven year old after he gets a traveling call. They will be forced to play in Detroit for all eternity!

  2. If Tony Kornheiser doesn't stop bringing up Brett Favre and how much of a gun slinger he is during Monday Night Football when the Jets aren't even playing, then I curse him to be forced to work only with Shannon Sharpe, calling 9 man football games in Nebraska for the rest of his days.

  3. I curse the Dallas Cowboys to have Jessica Simpson become their new defensive coordinator if my friend Travis doesn't stop saying things like "There is a hole in the roof at Texas Stadium so God can watch his team."

  4. If Jay Mariotti doesn't find a new city to ruin then I forever curse him to have to live in an apartment with Hawk Harrelson.

  5. And finally, Carmen Electra will never win an oscar until she marries me. So far this one is working pretty good actually.

There is no Santa Claus, The Stork didn't drop you off at your parents doorstep, and there is no such thing as curses.

Grow up people.


uisjmc pawola said...

haha, I especially liked the curses you put on people. I agree though, this stuff about curses is a joke, grow up and you're right, santa clause isn't real

uisjmc Cabalka said...

Haha, I loved this blog--very creative. I liked your final list and especially the Carmen Electra one. But frankly, I really don't mind if the Cubs are or aren't cursed, as long as their losing.

E. Van Dril said...

Carmen Electra?

Come on, Sean, if you're going to pick a mid-30s woman, go with Gisele or Heidi Klum because Carmen's really short (5'1" I think), has fake breasts and was married to Dave Navarro and Dennis Rodman.

So, if/when you have sex with her (you'll definitely get some on the first date), when you take a piss, you'll have a burning sensation to remember her by.

The combination of Leo/Tom Brady seems like a safer bet to me.

Getting to your curse take, I think it's right in the sense that curses are BS just like ghosts are BS (or are they???).

But what the Cubs suffer from is from the curse of a losing atmosphere and the pressure of the third largest city on their shoulders.

So when their Game 1 starter gives up a fourth inning grand slam, their fans all think they're doomed when, in reality, they're only down two runs. And then, I think that feeling transfers to the players and they put more pressure on themselves.

I was listening to the Bill Simmons podcast this week with Seth Meyers (SNL), and Simmons said that the only way that the Cubs will win will be if they sneak into the playoffs, their fans don't expect anything and then surprise teams in each of the three series as underdogs.

Which is something that I agree with because of the nature of Cubs fans right now.

UISJMC Schwartz said...

ASSIGNMENT - The NBA is starting soon. What do you love and hate about the NBA?